There is something wrong with me. you see i used to have this friend that i've talked a lot with and we became really good friends and we've been talking a lot and had a few sleepless nights chatting about our favorite artist Gackt trying to figure out the hidden stories in his songs and album covers also making plans of how to sneak into his house and get his autograph. I've known her since 2005. and the last time i talked with her was in 2013. she sent me a message and i tried to reply to her but couldn't think of anything to say and i decided to try later. and now we are in 2016 and guess what? i am not i haven't replied to her and i am not feeling bad or down about it. Its like i was able to let her go easily. on the other hand a few months ago i made two friends who i barely talked to. most of the time our conversations go like this
Me: Hi
How are you?
Them: Hi, i am alright thanks, How are you?
Me: Glad to hear that. I am good thanks.
Me *offers a cup of coffee*
Them *Accept and offers some tea and egg rolls or Salad*
Me *Accepts*
*Crickets starts crikiting and tumble weed starts tumbling*
That is how most of our conversations went.
and a little while ago one of them thought that i was in love and want to be in romantic relationship with. Which by the way was totally wrong. so our friendship ended and i thought that since i barely know them i won't be feeling bad about it. But i thought wrong. because ever since last Christmas i've been hearing this little voice inside me that keeps bugging me about that i should go and talk with them and clear things out. because it made me feel like i am riding a roller coaster that was built on a rowing boat in the middle of a perfect storm. i mean i've been happy, Angry, confused for why was i feeling happy, unsure why i was angry, happy sad and confused at the same time. had a whatever moment and angry. all because that little voice suddenly appeared for those two whom i barely talked to and didn't appear for my other friend whom i've known for 8 years. and a few hours ago i've sent a message to one of them and told her how i feel about them and get it over with. But now i am struggling because of it. that little voice tells me that i should go and read the message again and check what that person said about it. and the the other part is fighting that urge because i know if i did. things will go from worst to THE APOCALYPSE. because of what i said above.
This is exactly why i haven't been in the forum for the past couple of days.