What should I do?

[013]

This is a LONG post, so it's up to you if you feel like reading it. Im not good at nutshelling things yet, as I end up writing a Harry Potter novels worth of words for a summary.

Ok, so here's the deal, im going to be attending Anime Fest. An upcomming anime convention. After going to my first convention (Akon)on short notice and unprepaired, im am determined to go all out with Anime Fest. When I went to Akon it was like I was in a another world and I fell in love with anime conventions. So Afest will be my second convention and I plan on having the best time.

I asked my friend's sister if she was going to go, knowing that she too would like such an event, she said she wanted to go. Then when I was on the phone with my friend later that day, she said she wanted to go too. Now, there is a reason I invited her sister and not her.

You see, all through middle school and the beggining of high school we were both anime lovers, we would talk about it all the time in go into "nerd mode" and have fun. But...later in high school when we kinda fell apart for a little while she became more interested in her other friends and it seemed that she was too cool or too old for anime or whatever. Whatever it was she pretty much fell off.

We're close friends again now that school is over and she doesn't hang out with those guys anymore, however she still doesn't take interest in anime. So whenever I talk to her sister in front of her and go into "nerd mode" she gets annoyed and criticizes me for it. It bothers me, which is one of the reasons I love anime conventions so much now, I can go into "nerd mode" without people (especially my own friend) criticizing me and trying to make me feel bad.

I told her over the phone that there is gonna be nothing but anime freaks there and that she wouldn't be interested in such an event, then she said she just wanted to go for the hotel, and she nicely offered to pay part of the room, but the thing is I know how she is. I don't want to go to an anime convention with someone who doesn't even like anime anymore. Plus whenever we go out (The mall for example) she wants me to be in the same place with her, like at all times she takes forever in one store and gets mad at me when I leave to another store. She saids it defeats the purpose of hanging out if we're not together.

One of the things about me, I like exploring areas especially new ones so I know im gonna be that way at the convention, I don't want to be with someone that wants to stay in one place for like an hour. (She's the same way at the mall.)

I don't want to be a bad friend, but I might tell her and her sister that I can't go. I've already thought of what I could say if I did see her sister there.

I just don't want my fun to be ruined. Anime conventions don't come everyday ya know. Don't get me wrong she's a great friend, but I think it's safe to say that most friends have something about them that you don't like, and this is one of them. I don't need her judging my cosplay and all that ruining my mood ect. Her sister is kinda oblivious to it anyway. It wouldn't kill her to not go.

Not to mention, I don't mean to sound selfish, but I don't want a packed hotel room anyway. I know if I felt that way I shouldn't invited her in the first place, but I didn't think that it would turn into a chain of people who wanted to go. (Her sister wanted to invite some friends that I don't know.)

I want some nicely put opinions, do you think me telling them that im not gonna go is wrong? What else do you think I should do? Id kindly explain it to her, but she's not the type of person that's easy to explain that kind of thing to without getting highly offended and I don't think she'll understand.

Please excuse any spelling errors.

(PS: I am not a complete anime nerd, I mainly enjoyed it for the atmosphere and cosplay ect. Hell I met some people there that didn't even watch anime, they were gamers as well as me. I have a normal personality I guess, but there are times when I go into anime and/or gaming nerd mode.)

 

[Die Zombie Die!]

You gotta just say it straight. Be selfish, say that you'll be stuck in what you like to call "nerd mode" and you won't really have time for her.

 

[Torque]

I wouldnt recommend saying that you weren't going afterall

it would be pretty akward if u saw her at the convention after you said you weren't going, she may feel that you don't want to be around her or hang out with her, i can imagine emotions would run deep if this were to happen nd could end up as a crappy day instead of a joyful one..

perhaps you could talk it over with her about the hotel thing and if she really wants to go, to save yourself the trouble in the long run

 

[013]

Thanks for the advice. But she is a hard person to talk to. I've know this girl for years and when I try to talk to her about issues it's impossible. She just doesn't get it, she really doesn't see what she's doing wrong and she always has to be right.

I really don't wanna lie to her, it's not in my nature to tell those kind of lies. Plus I already know what id say to her if I saw her and/or her sister there. It wouldn't bother me, id just tell her I had my mom bring me for a little while to check it out ect. And once I tell them I won't be attending there are very slim chances that either one of them will go.

If she wasn't so hard to talk with on these issues, I wouldn't feel the need to lie.

 

[Romero]

Tell her that this convention isn't for her and that you want to be alone with someone who enjoys it the same way as yourself. That's the deal and she has to accept it even though she may not see it the same way.

I get the impression that she's a dominating person, so it might be necessary for you to be a bit definitely towards her.

You and her can go and do something else that both of you will enjoy, the anime thing isn't for her. I think you explained it very well in your initial post, explain it to her the same way. Try to be enough decisive so that she understands that the case is closed.
And be honest with her, lies tends to make things complicated. And it would hurt her much more if she found out.

I think she's very insensitive to not understand this much. That's my honest opinion.

 

[013]

In all honesty, knowing her I think she'd be far more offended if I told her the truth rather than lying. And that's if she found out which is slim to none. That's why I feel that I shold just tell her I won't go. She'll most likely forget about it. Especially if it's two months from now.

I know it's weird, but that's the way she is.

 

[Romero]

What if you say to her; She can come with you if she really want to attend to this convention that doesn't really interest her, but you'll be focusing on the other fans and not her. So she'll be feeling like an outsider at the convention, you two will not be sticking together.
Then at least you have warned her, and you can focus on anything but her at the convention.

 

[013]

^That's the thing, even if I tell her that and it happends, I don't want to deal with her attitude of me not wanting to hang out with her.

As said in my first post, I told her she might not like it, but she insist on going for the hotel. Argh. But I know that if she goes it's gonna be wait for me, come with me, stop leaving. I don't wanna go through all that.

 

[wpstudart]

'Lies are like children, they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them.'
But they can mess up. If she find out, she'll get more ****ed off than you can imagine, I don't know her, but I would try to talk with her, saying the truth and really saying things like: "You're the best, I really like you but," and tell her, but I don't know your friend...

I would try to tell the truth, but if you want to run a risk, and lie, it's your call. If you lie, she can blame you for ending the friendship or something like that.

Say that she would not like, say it's a place to people that like anime (c'mon man, I don't like animes anymore, but isn't a nerdy thing) and she would get bored, so why spend money, and stay in a hotel to do nothing?
Why spend money in something that won't let us happy?

 

[mastermind]

that or you could just tell her "look i am going to do this and that..... i know your not that interested in it like you used to be so i dont want to take you"

and to her sister if i understand the situation correctly "look i want you to come with me but i invited you and you alone not you and a bunch of your friends that i dont know so sorry if you want to cmoe with me then its just going to be me and you"

hope this helped a little but if it didnt good luck anyway

 

[Deleted member 1428]

As simple, you simply maintain your ground and tell her the truth. You gotta give it to her straight man. Youn can't be swayed just cuz she might be all like " oh you're not my friend anymore" and all that crap. You just gotta give it to her straight. Or him or somehthing... Yeah :huh:.

 

[Romero]

Many good advices here.
You can't let her control your life that way. You have to adapt to her, and she does not adapt to you? You can't be her slave. It's hard to do, but I think you have to tell her straight, in a friendly and firm way. Don't be afraid it'll be the end to the friendship, because if it proves to be the end you know that she was not a real friend anyway. She needs to learn a few things, maybe there is no other way than the hard way.
Good luck hun, I do really really hope that she'll finally understand.

 

[013]

Thankyou. ^^

But I highly doubt it would end the friendship. We have a friend that lies to us all the time. It's like the language she speaks, it's rediculous how much she lies. We had an argument the other day about her lying and doing the wrong thing, but we try to help her.

I honestly think I just need more friends, not throw her off the map completely, but just to have a large variety of friends is always good. If you're always with the same person, you have more time to stir up conflict and get tired of them, if I hang out with more people we won't always be as mad at each other ect.

 

[wpstudart]

You're right, maybe new friends would be nice. If you think lie is gonna help, so do it, we are trying just to help, we hope that everything goes ok with you two.

Good Luck, and always do what you want, not what others want

 

[013]

I know you guys are just trying to help. It's just that I can't talk to her like people can with most friends. But thankyou for everything.

 

[wpstudart]

Oh, I was passing by and saw this thread again! So, how was it, everything went ok?

 

[013]

Well the convention is in 2 months, I won't know for a while. ^^

 

[wpstudart]

Ahhh, Yeah, I forgot that is a good time until there. But you already know what you're gonna do, right?

 

[013]

I kinda do.