@KRSkull BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! That Bond joke got me real good xD
What did the Dolphin do to the fisherman on his boat? He flipped him off.
What did the Dolphin do to the fisherman on his boat? He flipped him off.
Let's laugh
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What did the frog do when his car broke down? He had it toad.
Where did @KRSkull go for his jokes? The "punitory."
A cyborg walked into a bar searching for soap.
One night, three bats bet on who can drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."
The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."
One night, three bats bet on who can drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."
The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."
A man walks into a bar with a crowbar,
He walked to the bar with his mighty crowbar,
He asked the bar tender for a cocktail,
The bar tender said no we don't serve hicks,
So he took his crowbar an pried off his dick,
Wiggle wiggle right up the bartenders ass,
Now the bartender has served a cocktail.
He walked to the bar with his mighty crowbar,
He asked the bar tender for a cocktail,
The bar tender said no we don't serve hicks,
So he took his crowbar an pried off his dick,
Wiggle wiggle right up the bartenders ass,
Now the bartender has served a cocktail.
A guys was sitting in a bar when he was approached by an intoxicated man who says, "Hey man I did your mother last night!" However he ignored his comment and continued to enjoy his night. The next day the same thing happens only this time the intoxicated man yells, "Your mom loves it when if give it to her rough!" This put a frown on the young mans face but he again ignored him and continued to enjoy his night. On the third day things were different however. The intoxicated man approached the young man as usual, "I gave it to your mother real good last night!" The young man this time turned around and said, "Dad you're drunk! Go home!"
There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, 'You man the guns, I'll drive'.
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shih tzu.
These jokes are so terrible. I'm sorry.
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, "You have a drink named Steve?"
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shih tzu.
These jokes are so terrible. I'm sorry.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
That's my favorite joke.
That's my favorite joke.
Why did the old lady chased after the thief who stole her TV? To tell him that he forgot to steal the remote.
An American guy walks into an Irish pub and announces "I'll give 100 euro to anyone who can drink 6 pints of Guinness 1 after another".
An Irish guy gets up and leaves. About an hour later he returns and walks up to the American guy and says "I accept your challenge".
The American guy: "Why did you leave for so long?"
Irish guy: "Well I had to make sure I could do it first".
An Irish guy gets up and leaves. About an hour later he returns and walks up to the American guy and says "I accept your challenge".
The American guy: "Why did you leave for so long?"
Irish guy: "Well I had to make sure I could do it first".
... I'm ashamed of myself haha, I literally only just got this.
A few more bad jokes from me:
My sister made a bet with me that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Why don't owls go on dates when it's raining? Because it's too wet to woo.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
I've red a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
This is something I first saw on Reddit, and it is one of my favorite jokes to tell.
"A man walks into a bar looking sad.
The bartender asks 'Why the long face?'
The man replies 'I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death.'
The bartender looks shocked and says 'I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself.'
The man asks 'Well what would you do in my situation?'
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says 'If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy.'
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts 'That's a great idea! Thanks!' and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
'Did you kill the guy?' The bartender asks nervously.
'Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please.'"
"A man walks into a bar looking sad.
The bartender asks 'Why the long face?'
The man replies 'I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death.'
The bartender looks shocked and says 'I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself.'
The man asks 'Well what would you do in my situation?'
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says 'If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy.'
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts 'That's a great idea! Thanks!' and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
'Did you kill the guy?' The bartender asks nervously.
'Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please.'"