Do they know the real you?

[Storyofmylife]

Why do some of us prefer to share our deepest most inner secrets to complete strangers online? Maybe it's because we won't feel judged, and if we are judged they are just words on a screen and not as hurtful as it would be in person. Personally I've found that I tend to get along with my friends online more so than I do with my friends in real life... I'm guessing the reason for this is the fact that my online friends know more about me and embrace me for who I am and what I stand for. My real life friends know the surface, but not anything much deeper than that.

I trust my online friends more too, even though I have never met them in person (don't plan too either as it may ruin my vision of them or vice versa). I feel as though this is a growing trend in our generation, it's easier to meet people online that share your same exact interests than it ever will be to meet someone in real life with similar interests to yours.

This is where things get complicated and we get spoiled with our internet/online friends. People we meet in real life will never quite "match up" to the people we've met online. It is highly unlikely that without searching for them online, you'll find a person who for example, loves RE as much as you do. I've found I've had to kind of suppress this obsession with my real life friends as they might find it a tad weird... I've also had to suppress more than just that, but that's for a different time!

The point of this thread is... Do YOUR friends in real life know the real you? Or are you more like me and get along better with people online?

 

[tremor]

It's true, you guys know more about me than my real life friends do lol. Even my best friend doesn't know the real me...there are things I do that he wouldn't approve of. It's therapeutic in a way, having internet friends to talk to when there's no one else to turn to. This doesn't mean I don't love my real life friends, because I do....I just have a special love for my internet friends.

 

[Storyofmylife]

I totally agree Tremor, and the situation you just explained with your friend is somewhat similar to mine. There are things about me that some of my friends probably wouldn't approve of, especially since I live in the south and things are still very "old fashioned" here. It gets very depressing at times, so that's when I'm very thankful to have an online community of friends to talk to when I can't talk to anyone else!

 

[Meg]

There has been a lot of studies on this actually. It isn't uncommon for people to open up more online because it's anonymous. There are a select few people online that I trust enough to talk about personal problems I'm having. It's nice knowing that I can get solid advice without feeling stupid in the process.

SpawnShooter, who hasn't been around lately , is my go to guy when I need advice. I've gone to some other people before about little things. Ebony (on DMC.org) has given me some good advice before. And Ms. Angel always knows what to say.

I've been more closed off lately though. There was this guy on another site that was trying to get way to close to me for comfort. Things did not go well. Even though we apologized and forgave each other we haven't talked since. I feel kinda weird that I told some dude I don't know so much about myself. I'm actually very introverted. So it's weird that I can more open online. But it's also nice. It gives me a place to let out all my Lightning Nerd-ness. XD

Still, I've been more distant lately because of what happened. I doubt people are bothered by my new found aloofness though...

 

[Storyofmylife]

There has been a lot of studies on this actually. It isn't uncommon for people to open up more online because it's anonymous. There are a select few people online that I trust enough to talk about personal problems I'm having. It's nice knowing that I can get solid advice without feeling stupid in the process.

SpawnShooter, who hasn't been around lately , is my go to guy when I need advice. I've gone to some other people before about little things. Ebony (on DMC.org) has given me some good advice before. And Ms. Angel always knows what to say.

I've been more closed off lately though. There was this guy on another site that was trying to get way to close to me for comfort. Things that did not go well. Even though we apologized and forgave each other we haven't talked since. I feel kinds weird that I told some dude I don't know about myself. I'm actually very introverted. So it's weird that I can more open online. But it's also nice. It gives me a place to let out all my Lightning Nerd-ness. XD

I know what you mean, you can't be quite as nerdy as you'd like to be in real life. It feels like a release to talk about your inner nerdom to people who understand it and have equal to if not worse obsessions than you do. I have also run into some people online who have tried getting too close for comfort as well. Some male and even female users are quite pushy when it comes to the webcam, that is why I no longer get on unless I'm very close to the person. I'm pretty shy myself when it comes to talking one on one with someone, although I may not show it on here. lol I'm EXTREMELY introverted to the extent that a lot of people think I'm a b*tch /:

 

[Meg]

I know what you mean, you can't be quite as nerdy as you'd like to be in real life. It feels like a release to talk about your inner nerdom to people who understand it and have equal to if not worse obsessions than you do. I have also run into some people online who have tried getting too close for comfort as well. Some male and even female users are quite pushy when it comes to the webcam, that is why I no longer get on unless I'm very close to the person. I'm pretty shy myself when it comes to talking one on one with someone, although I may not show it on here. lol I'm EXTREMELY introverted to the extent that a lot of people think I'm a b*tch /:

People usually think I'm a bitch because I don't tolerate their own bitchiness. XD

I agree, I've met some really funny people that embrace their favorite whatever. It's fun to nerd-out with people. XD

And a webcam? I never got asked about that..........oh. Wait I did. XD For me, the dude wanted to know my address and tried to shame me into giving it to him. It terrified me. Whenever I felt like pulling away he'd drop the "I'm so depressed I could shoot myself" bit and I would get scared and go back to being "friends." Eventually I got tired of being abused and said (not literally) "Okay, go ahead. Kill yourself." He largely left me alone after that.

 

[Storyofmylife]

People usually think I'm a bitch because I don't tolerate their own bitchiness. XD

I agree, I've met some really funny people that embrace their favorite whatever. It's fun to nerd-out with people. XD

And a webcam? I never got asked about that..........oh. Wait I did. XD For me, the dude wanted to know my address and tried to shame me into giving it to him. It terrified me. Whenever I felt like pulling away he'd drop the "I'm so depressed I could shoot myself" bit and I would get scared and go back to being "friends." Eventually I got tired of being abused and said (not literally) "Okay, go ahead. Kill yourself." He largely left me alone after that.

I've encountered some major creepdom WITHIN the RE community... One guy knew where my online friend lived already because he hacked her, and then he found out where my FATHER worked and his full name, etc. Gave me the chills. Long story short I blocked him. Haha

This one girl was on webcam with me one time and we were having a normal conversation when all of a sudden BAM her boobs came out of nowhere and she wanted me to do the same thing. In fear of my boobs being screencapped I respectfully declined XD A lot of guys have randomly shown me their... members... through various picture attachments and one started a chat with me while it was dead center in the webcam. :| All of them were people I spoke to on a regular basis too, it wasn't like I was on Chatroulette... A place I would EXPECT to see that! Hahaha

 

[Silverback]

I haven't really had friends since secondary school, which was about 5 or 6 years ago now. The friends I had wern't friends per se, we just stuck together because we were all targeted by bullies, but we wern't really stable enough together to be friends. We didn't get on much. Other than that, my cousins have served as the only friends I've had, apart from you guys of course. ^^

For those of you that post in chatrooms & use webcams - Be careful.

 

[Mr Sunshine]

Internet being a window of freedom to those feeling oppressed? It could work, but It's rarely the only way to go. I mean unless you're living in a country that punishes you for what you are, the best thing that one can do is to go out screw those insecurities that make you introverted and say "this is me. if you don't like me go **** yourself.".

You also have to understand that other people don't pass their whole time by judging you. They don't judge every one of your actions you make 24/7. Sure, they might laugh at something that made you look stupid but they have problems of their own to solve. They don't return at their homes and think -while their going to bed- "Haha, what an idiot he/she is".

Now to answer your question. A few people know my full self and all of them are in real life. It's my mother and two or three close friends I have. The rest of the people irl don't know me well for the same reasons as yours. I tend to hold things inside me sadly. As for people online, yeah it's easier to confess something that I feel uneasy with, but we are missing the factor "physical contact" here which is very important, to me at least. They will never see my reactions under certain circumstances. They have never seen me being insecure. All they know is a person that tells jokes all the time. It's superficial.

To sum up, i'm kind of like you (until the very recent past at least). But I don't like it at all.

P.S I don't consider people that have the same interests as my friends. Nor people that we can chat and have fun with. I can find as much people like that as I want, real or online

 

[Silverback]

^ Are you okay, dude?

 

[Mr Sunshine]

Yes, I am.

 

[Silverback]

Good, good. Take care of yourself, my friend.

 

[Meg]

snip

Some great points you made there! ^^

Firstly, I don't hide who I am from people. I just don't advertise certain parts about myself with certain groups. For instances, feminism gets a lot of bad rep these days because of negative stereotypes. I'm a huge feminist, but if i went around yelling it to everyone people would think I'm nuts. So instead I still talk to others about equal rights issues if they get brought up, but I leave the feminism banner waving for when I'm with my friends who are also huge feminists like me.

Same thing goes with Lightning. (<3!!!) I don't hide that I'm a fangirl, but I don't advertise it either unless I'm with people who also like video games a lot. Heck, I made a shirt with Lightning's sword on it, so I'm not exactly ashamed. XD

This method works for me. It allows me to be me with accidentally pushing people away before they get a chance to know me. Plus it keeps people surprised.

One thing I do know very well is that online chat cannot take the place of one-on-one communication. People need to have human-contact. It's a proven fact. I have a small but strong support group that I love and am grateful for. My feminist friends are some of the most understanding and accepting people I have ever met. To anyone feeling alone: be friends with a feminist. XD We love people for them and don't care what they are into. (Unless is misogamy )

 

[L]

In the end, I have only 2 people I can truly consider friends to me. Both of them don't know me. Only 1 person on the internet knows who I am, but he turned into a complete idiot lately and we've sort of just avoided each other. Honestly, I only have a single secret I don't want to share with anybody. Also, I am not counting family as my friends. That is just cheating. My sister and brother are all like "You have no friends," and I am just sitting there explaining to them that 70 friends on facebook and 50 people you know are not all your friends.

 

[Hoady]

When i was about 15-16 i pretty much lost all my friends and there were many causes for that, things i could not control or understand..i started to hang out with downright losers for a quite a long time and rightfully so, i only recently ditched them.They dragged me down and everyone else around them.Terrible lifestyle.But it was ultimately my choice and it did serve its purpose.So now i am generally alone but it doesn't bother me.There really has only been a small amount of people i could express myself to fully and most of them only met once or on rare occasions.I don't regret these things anymore, past is dead you know, life could've been a whole lot sweeter but i can make it sweet now.As for the old best mates well maybe i will see them in the future, when i am ready.

Internet was a saviour in some ways.I have met some pretty amazing people online but i can't define one as a means of being more real then the other.Because it doesn't matter where i am, its just a matter of knowing who i am,without a barrier or fear in any given situation.But yes some have impacted me alot and life would have definitely been harder without teh internet crew.

Sometimes you got to pry me open before you get a natural flow so it can be very hard for me to connect with people, but i tend to force myself.Sometimes fear is there, other times its not so just accept and push through it.It is only environmental conditioning and won't kill you to face it.Life is a constantly changing evolutionary movement that holds onto nothing, ego is the only thing that hold, so you gotta learn to drop outdated beliefs and fears that hold you back from that movement.

I really only talk to my girlfriend an about 3 other people now, all currently on the internet now.Meeting with some dude next week though.With university and a new city on the horizen..god knows who or what things i am going to meet this time.I met some interesting people in sydney and ready to do it again elsewhere.I know this sounds cliche but i think it all really rocks down to self acceptance/self esteem.

 

[Storyofmylife]

When i was about 15-16 i pretty much lost all my friends and there were many causes for that, things i could not control or understand..i started to hang out with downright losers for a quite a long time and rightfully so, i only recently ditched them.They dragged me down and everyone else around them.Terrible lifestyle.But it was ultimately my choice and it did serve its purpose.So now i am generally alone but it doesn't bother me.There really has only been a small amount of people i could express myself to fully and most of them only met once or on rare occasions.I don't regret these things anymore, past is dead you know, life could've been a whole lot sweeter but i can make it sweet now.As for the old best mates well maybe i will see them in the future, when i am ready.

Internet was a saviour in some ways.I have met some pretty amazing people online but i can't define one as a means of being more real then the other.Because it doesn't matter where i am, its just a matter of knowing who i am,without a barrier or fear in any given situation.But yes some have impacted me alot and life would have definitely been harder without teh internet crew.

Sometimes you got to pry me open before you get a natural flow so it can be very hard for me to connect with people, but i tend to force myself.Sometimes fear is there, other times its not so just accept and push through it.It is only environmental conditioning and won't kill you to face it.Life is a constantly changing evolutionary movement that holds onto nothing, ego is the only thing that hold, so you gotta learn to drop outdated beliefs and fears that hold you back from that movement.

I really only talk to my girlfriend an about 3 other people now, all currently on the internet now.Meeting with some dude next week though.With university and a new city on the horizen..god knows who or what things i am going to meet this time.I met some interesting people in sydney and ready to do it again elsewhere.I know this sounds cliche but i think it all really rocks down to self acceptance/self esteem.

This sounded a lot like me... The internet also saved me from a time when I was down and alone for the most part. I do have a select few friends in real life who know the real me and only one here where I moved recently... It's hard to live in the deep south and have semi-feminist views and be agnostic. So, I do have to hide that from most people, I tried to be open about it when I first moved here and it scared everyone off. Most people here are small minded, because its a small town. I'm also sort of living a double life here because I still live with my parents until I get a job and move out... So it's kind of a "their house their rules" sort of thing. I don't want to have the risk of telling someone who I am and them telling my parents or saying something on FB and them finding out... Pretty crazy situation for a 21 year old adult, but that's the situation I'm in for the next year at least. That's why it's important for me personally to have online friends who understand me to speak to until things get better. Once things get better though I still don't see myself giving up the internet. I'll always come back, because these friends hold a special place in my heart. They got me through more than anyone else has. <3

 

[L]

When i was about 15-16 i pretty much lost all my friends and there were many causes for that, things i could not control or understand..i started to hang out with downright losers for a quite a long time and rightfully so, i only recently ditched them.They dragged me down and everyone else around them.Terrible lifestyle.But it was ultimately my choice and it did serve its purpose.So now i am generally alone but it doesn't bother me.There really has only been a small amount of people i could express myself to fully and most of them only met once or on rare occasions.I don't regret these things anymore, past is dead you know, life could've been a whole lot sweeter but i can make it sweet now.As for the old best mates well maybe i will see them in the future, when i am ready.

Internet was a saviour in some ways.I have met some pretty amazing people online but i can't define one as a means of being more real then the other.Because it doesn't matter where i am, its just a matter of knowing who i am,without a barrier or fear in any given situation.But yes some have impacted me alot and life would have definitely been harder without teh internet crew.

Sometimes you got to pry me open before you get a natural flow so it can be very hard for me to connect with people, but i tend to force myself.Sometimes fear is there, other times its not so just accept and push through it.It is only environmental conditioning and won't kill you to face it.Life is a constantly changing evolutionary movement that holds onto nothing, ego is the only thing that hold, so you gotta learn to drop outdated beliefs and fears that hold you back from that movement.

I really only talk to my girlfriend an about 3 other people now, all currently on the internet now.Meeting with some dude next week though.With university and a new city on the horizen..god knows who or what things i am going to meet this time.I met some interesting people in sydney and ready to do it again elsewhere.I know this sounds cliche but i think it all really rocks down to self acceptance/self esteem.

Hoady, what is right there defines my life. I was a loser. In fact, I only ever got a step up when I transferred schools.

 

[Silverback]

Hoady, what is right there defines my life. I was a loser. In fact, I only ever got a step up when I transferred schools.

Seems the three of us have something in common we didn't know. We were all outcasts. The internet is wonderful.

 

[Sonnentreppe]

I used to think the opposite, but I've learned people know me much better online than in "real life." It's not because I'm fake or anything because I'm absolutely not, but when people see me in real life, they are sure to be distracted by a number of different things, and those same things cause me to be insecure a little, which doesn't help. To be 100% myself just feels safer online, even among friends I consider true.

 

[Storyofmylife]

I used to think the opposite, but I've learned people know me much better online than in "real life." It's not because I'm fake or anything because I'm absolutely not, but when people see me in real life, they are sure to be distracted by a number of different things, and those same things cause me to be insecure a little, which doesn't help. To be 100% myself just feels safer online, even among friends I consider true.

I think you're really cool!!! Anyone who says or thinks otherwise is obviously ignorant.

It seems as though the online community is... dare I say... Nicer and more accepting than offline and real life. I know there are a lot of cases of cyber bullying, but guess what? Most cases are with people the kids know in real life. It's sad really. I've run into my fair share of online bullying though, including people I haven't met. The worst being a group of people online getting together to make a forum dedicated to how ugly I am. That did a number to my self confidence, and I don't think I'll ever be the same after that. With that said, I still feel as though people online will be, most of the time, nicer and more accepting as long as you don't get involved with people affiliated with /b/. lol