rocklikebrucelee
Senior Member
This would be my personal ending to RE5 if I had a part making it!
Setting: Final Stage (NOT RECOMMENDED TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEATEN THE GAME)
WARNING: The following contains strong content, which under certain circumstances would be considered offensive to some. Please be aware that all humor in this fan fic was not of serious nature and I apologize in advance if I hurt anyone of any certain group or belief. Resident Evil is a rated M game anyway! We're all mature enough here to know what a joke is, right?
Chris Redfield pressed up against the giant boulder as scorching heat burned his flesh. It would take every ounce of his massive steroidal strength to move it. "AHH! RAHHH!" Chris pulled his shoulder off, gave the rock two massive uppercuts, then rammed the damn thing into the lava.
Sheva Alomar, his partner, was standing on the other side with a panicked look on her face. "Chris! What do I do?!"
"Jump!" Chris yelled. "****ing JUMP!!!"
"What if the rock breaks apart?" She asked hesitantly.
"Sheva, Wesker's behind you! JUMP!!!!" Sheva wasted not one second. She leaped like a gazelle on to the rock, and to the platform where Chris was.
"What now?" She asked as Chris scanned the area.
"Damn it! Where's Wesker?" Chris didn't have time to look any farther, as a helicopter flew into the scene. He took a good look at the pilot, and wondered. "It can't be!"
"Chris!" Barry Burton yelled. "Did you find anything?"
"Barry! Get us out of here!", He yelled, not questioning why Barry was there in the first place.
"Hold on, Chris! I have a rope here!" Barry scuffled through the passenger seat.
"Barry! Hurry u-AHH!" A weighted rope smacked Chris in the face. "What the hell?!" He yelled as Wesker then popped out of the ground, and wrapped him in his Uroboros arms.
"Oh, sorry Chris! It fell! I'm going to get more rope! Don't worry about Wesker! I have a weapon here! It's REALLY powerful! Especially against living things! Here!" Barry threw down an AK-74 and flew off. Chris caught it with his free hand, and shot the open ball in Wesker's chest. Wesker let go of Chris and turned around only to expose his other ball on his back, which Chris shot at too.
"AH! MY BALLS!!!" Wesker covered them up with his Uroboros tentacle things, and walked ever so creepily towards him and his partner.
Chris shot and shot until he ran out of ammo. "Sheva! Give me some 5.56 mm rounds!"
"What are you talking about?" Sheva asked in confusion.
"I need 5.56 mm rounds for my AK!!" Chris screamed out loud as Wesker approached ever closer.
"I don't know what you mean! I have MACHINE GUN AMMO, if that's what you want!" Sheva suggested.
"But what caliber is it? I need 5.56mm!!" Chris looked desperately to her.
"I don't know! The description just says MACHINE GUN AMMO! Nothing about calibers!"
"What?! You're saying rhat ammo can be used for ANY kind of machine gun?!"
"I'm guessing so!" Sheva tossed the machine gun ammo to Chris.
"Well..." Chris reloaded, and fired immediately afterwards. "Hey! It does work for any machine gun!"
"Chris, shoot him in the balls!" Sheva yelled out.
"That's what I'm trying to do! But they're hard to hit because they're really small! Except the one on his back, which is rather large!"
"Ahh!!!" Wesker collapsed.
Chris then pulled out his knife and stabbed his front ball. "That's for Joseph!" He pulled it out and stabbed him 3 more times. "That's for Enrico, Richard, and Edward!" Chris paused for a moment and thought aloud. "And this one's for...uhh...hold on...what was his name again? Sh*t...umm...Ken...Kenn...Kenne- BRAD!" Chris realized. "And this one's for Brad!" He stabbed Wesker a final time, making him stand and back up several feet. The ground then broke apart, and Wesker fell into the lava.
"Damn it, Chris!!!" Wesker yelled in a rage.
"Ha! Take that, Wesker! You sick pedo!"
"Pedo?!" Wesker asked as he burned alive. "What do you mean?!"
"Don't think we never saw the pictures of Rebecca you had in your desk back at HQ! She was more than 10 years older than you, you sick freak!"
"AHH!!! She was LEGAllllll...." He was quickly submerged in lava.
"Phew...it's over..." Chris and Sheva watched as a helicopter neared them.
"Chris! I found John, my old rope-dealer in a nearby Island! How lucky for you!", The helicopter let down a rope, and the two got on. "The Master of Unlocking was with John when I found him, too!" John, Barry, and Jill greeted the duo.
"Thanks Barry!" Chris turned to Sheva. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, ignore me Chris!" Jill yelled. "I've only been genetically and virally experimented on...And mind-controlled for the past couple of years! You don't want to know the kinds of sick things Wesker made me do!"
"Sorry Jill..." But he had no time to apologize. The helicopter rocked as Wesker, still alive and using his uroboros hand to grab onto the chopper, attempted to pull it into the lava from below.
"Chris, use this!" Jill gave him a rocket launcher.
"Why does this seem so familiar???" Chris thought as he aimed it for Wesker's head.
"SHE WAS LEGALLL!!!!" Wesker shook the heli back and forth.
"Molest this, Wesker!!" The rocket made its way from Chris' 'copter to Wesker's face, and there was a big explosion, and wesker died. yay!!!
"Wow! There's some Wesker Fried Chicken for you!" Barry chuckled. Everyone laughed. "All we need now is the kool-aid!"
Everyone immediately stopped laughing and stared at him in shock. Barry gave a couple of awkward laughs..."I'll just keep flying then..."
And they all flew into the sunset! The end!
Setting: Final Stage (NOT RECOMMENDED TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T BEATEN THE GAME)
WARNING: The following contains strong content, which under certain circumstances would be considered offensive to some. Please be aware that all humor in this fan fic was not of serious nature and I apologize in advance if I hurt anyone of any certain group or belief. Resident Evil is a rated M game anyway! We're all mature enough here to know what a joke is, right?
Chris Redfield pressed up against the giant boulder as scorching heat burned his flesh. It would take every ounce of his massive steroidal strength to move it. "AHH! RAHHH!" Chris pulled his shoulder off, gave the rock two massive uppercuts, then rammed the damn thing into the lava.
Sheva Alomar, his partner, was standing on the other side with a panicked look on her face. "Chris! What do I do?!"
"Jump!" Chris yelled. "****ing JUMP!!!"
"What if the rock breaks apart?" She asked hesitantly.
"Sheva, Wesker's behind you! JUMP!!!!" Sheva wasted not one second. She leaped like a gazelle on to the rock, and to the platform where Chris was.
"What now?" She asked as Chris scanned the area.
"Damn it! Where's Wesker?" Chris didn't have time to look any farther, as a helicopter flew into the scene. He took a good look at the pilot, and wondered. "It can't be!"
"Chris!" Barry Burton yelled. "Did you find anything?"
"Barry! Get us out of here!", He yelled, not questioning why Barry was there in the first place.
"Hold on, Chris! I have a rope here!" Barry scuffled through the passenger seat.
"Barry! Hurry u-AHH!" A weighted rope smacked Chris in the face. "What the hell?!" He yelled as Wesker then popped out of the ground, and wrapped him in his Uroboros arms.
"Oh, sorry Chris! It fell! I'm going to get more rope! Don't worry about Wesker! I have a weapon here! It's REALLY powerful! Especially against living things! Here!" Barry threw down an AK-74 and flew off. Chris caught it with his free hand, and shot the open ball in Wesker's chest. Wesker let go of Chris and turned around only to expose his other ball on his back, which Chris shot at too.
"AH! MY BALLS!!!" Wesker covered them up with his Uroboros tentacle things, and walked ever so creepily towards him and his partner.
Chris shot and shot until he ran out of ammo. "Sheva! Give me some 5.56 mm rounds!"
"What are you talking about?" Sheva asked in confusion.
"I need 5.56 mm rounds for my AK!!" Chris screamed out loud as Wesker approached ever closer.
"I don't know what you mean! I have MACHINE GUN AMMO, if that's what you want!" Sheva suggested.
"But what caliber is it? I need 5.56mm!!" Chris looked desperately to her.
"I don't know! The description just says MACHINE GUN AMMO! Nothing about calibers!"
"What?! You're saying rhat ammo can be used for ANY kind of machine gun?!"
"I'm guessing so!" Sheva tossed the machine gun ammo to Chris.
"Well..." Chris reloaded, and fired immediately afterwards. "Hey! It does work for any machine gun!"
"Chris, shoot him in the balls!" Sheva yelled out.
"That's what I'm trying to do! But they're hard to hit because they're really small! Except the one on his back, which is rather large!"
"Ahh!!!" Wesker collapsed.
Chris then pulled out his knife and stabbed his front ball. "That's for Joseph!" He pulled it out and stabbed him 3 more times. "That's for Enrico, Richard, and Edward!" Chris paused for a moment and thought aloud. "And this one's for...uhh...hold on...what was his name again? Sh*t...umm...Ken...Kenn...Kenne- BRAD!" Chris realized. "And this one's for Brad!" He stabbed Wesker a final time, making him stand and back up several feet. The ground then broke apart, and Wesker fell into the lava.
"Damn it, Chris!!!" Wesker yelled in a rage.
"Ha! Take that, Wesker! You sick pedo!"
"Pedo?!" Wesker asked as he burned alive. "What do you mean?!"
"Don't think we never saw the pictures of Rebecca you had in your desk back at HQ! She was more than 10 years older than you, you sick freak!"
"AHH!!! She was LEGAllllll...." He was quickly submerged in lava.
"Phew...it's over..." Chris and Sheva watched as a helicopter neared them.
"Chris! I found John, my old rope-dealer in a nearby Island! How lucky for you!", The helicopter let down a rope, and the two got on. "The Master of Unlocking was with John when I found him, too!" John, Barry, and Jill greeted the duo.
"Thanks Barry!" Chris turned to Sheva. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, ignore me Chris!" Jill yelled. "I've only been genetically and virally experimented on...And mind-controlled for the past couple of years! You don't want to know the kinds of sick things Wesker made me do!"
"Sorry Jill..." But he had no time to apologize. The helicopter rocked as Wesker, still alive and using his uroboros hand to grab onto the chopper, attempted to pull it into the lava from below.
"Chris, use this!" Jill gave him a rocket launcher.
"Why does this seem so familiar???" Chris thought as he aimed it for Wesker's head.
"SHE WAS LEGALLL!!!!" Wesker shook the heli back and forth.
"Molest this, Wesker!!" The rocket made its way from Chris' 'copter to Wesker's face, and there was a big explosion, and wesker died. yay!!!
"Wow! There's some Wesker Fried Chicken for you!" Barry chuckled. Everyone laughed. "All we need now is the kool-aid!"
Everyone immediately stopped laughing and stared at him in shock. Barry gave a couple of awkward laughs..."I'll just keep flying then..."
And they all flew into the sunset! The end!
