When should parents let teenagers make their own decisions?

[La Femme Fatale]

I know the topic is rather broad but obviously members are welcome to define 'decisions' however they please.

Some questions to consider in your answer:

At what age do you feel parents should begin 'letting up' with the restrictions they place on their teenage children (such as curfews, dating, whom they associate, etc etc)?

What restrictions were placed on you as a teenager they you felt were unfair?

And I'll stop there because I don't want to lead the discussion. Discuss!

 

[wolf trail]

Imo no parent can completely control their teens by their might, and as a teen I can confirm that making a taboo only make things worse, parents should lovingly advise teens and then give them their space.

So that they don't fear their parent, but instead they love them and obey their wise words.

 

[Dr.Slaughter]

at about age 14. instead of sheltering your child from all the bad decisions I believe it would be good to let that child make the mistake so hopefully they won't do it again. The tricky thing about parenting is in my opinion balancing out love, discipline, freedom, boundaries,and punishment within perfect levels. There is always the option of using fear completely to discipline a child.......................

 

[Spikeyroxas]

Due to current experiences in my life I have a short answer:

When they are ready to take on responsibility.
All people are different and should be treated to suit.

 

[KevinStriker]

It depends on the teenager. Some mature sooner, some later...

...and some never do.

 

[Cheer]

Well that is a really hard question to answer. because there is always an Outer force that tries to middle itself and pulls you toward it.

 

[Meg]

I think it really depends on the teen as well as the decisions being made. My mom trusted my decisions in picking out video games when I was about twelve. She okayed pretty much everything I picked out because she knew I would stick to games I could handle. I was also able to go to the movies or the mall without parental supervision at that age because, again, she trusted me. But that's also me. That's "never even took a sip of alcohol or smoked a cig" me. I've always been a goodie little two shoes and my mom knew it. So I was able to pretty much do whatever I wanted.

So I don't think there is one universal age we can all agree on. I think it really comes down to each individual situation.

 

[Venomous Oddball]

It depends on how mature they are. My best friend has always been mature but her parents didn't officially let her date until she was 18 and her curfew was 9:30 until she was 16. That's so stupid. My mom would've been okay with me dating when I was five (though I still haven't ever dated anyone and everybody makes fun of me for that) and she didn't care when I went to bed, as long as I didn't complain in the morning, and I've always been fairly mature. But then some parents let their immature kids do whatever they want. A girl I went to school with was pregnant at 15, and most people did drugs, were already alcoholics, and were having parties at that age and doing... other things. So it really depends.

 

[Angel]

As a parent of a teen I feel I have to echo what others are saying here about it being entirely dependent upon the maturity of the child in question. That and also the capabilities of the child. You can be smart and hold adult conversations and what have you - and still be completely lacking common sense.

Having said that, decision making is a very broad area. My daughter was left to choose her own options for her exam subjects over the next two years - I stayed out of it. After all, it's not me taking the exams and shaping my future accordingly.

I just asked my daughter what she thinks and she said so long as the options and principles are in place, a teen should make their own decisions but also deal with the consequences accordingly. Basically, in her words, tell them you'd rather they didn't have sex yet but that if they do and get pregnant or infected, it was their choice and they have to deal with it.

A parent has the distinct and (at times) unpalatable responsibility to ensure their child is raised with standards, principles and a firm foundation in understanding cause and effect. Parents who think that their job is done once the kid hits 12 are morons who are setting their child up for failure.

I find a lot of parents struggle to "let go" because of their own personal issues, childhood and also simply not knowing their child. I am very fortunate in that my daughter and I have a very strong and open relationship - among her peers, this is a rarity, it would seem.

All in all, once that kid hits 18, I would expect her to be making every decision herself but knowing that asking for advice shows maturity, not childishness and avoids potential pitfalls.

 

[wolf trail]

As a parent of a teen I feel I have to echo what others are saying here about it being entirely dependent upon the maturity of the child in question. That and also the capabilities of the child. You can be smart and hold adult conversations and what have you - and still be completely lacking common sense.

Having said that, decision making is a very broad area. My daughter was left to choose her own options for her exam subjects over the next two years - I stayed out of it. After all, it's not me taking the exams and shaping my future accordingly.

I just asked my daughter what she thinks and she said so long as the options and principles are in place, a teen should make their own decisions but also deal with the consequences accordingly. Basically, in her words, tell them you'd rather they didn't have sex yet but that if they do and get pregnant or infected, it was their choice and they have to deal with it.

A parent has the distinct and (at times) unpalatable responsibility to ensure their child is raised with standards, principles and a firm foundation in understanding cause and effect. Parents who think that their job is done once the kid hits 12 are morons who are setting their child up for failure.

I find a lot of parents struggle to "let go" because of their own personal issues, childhood and also simply not knowing their child. I am very fortunate in that my daughter and I have a very strong and open relationship - among her peers, this is a rarity, it would seem.

All in all, once that kid hits 18, I would expect her to be making every decision herself but knowing that asking for advice shows maturity, not childishness and avoids potential pitfalls.

couldn't agree with you more, hands down...

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

I can only speak for how I know it to work in this country and this country's education system but as far as focusing study on their topic of interest, choosing which universities to apply to, and all that long-term stuff... well, there is no parenting that. If your child doesn't have the drive to pursue a career at age 18, then they just don't. Some people don't figure that out until later. All you can do is encourage areas where they show promise, interest, or ideally, both.

Curfews? Ease up on them around age 16, I'd say. 11 pm is a good one. Just late enough to not be a hard ass, early enough to be reasonable. Have your "no sex, no drugs, no rock 'n roll" rules in place fully expecting them to be broken. If they're messing around when they're older, they'll still hear that voice going "I told you so." At age 18, immediately stop saying a thing. That worked for my parents. Realizing you've lost a safety net can make you think twice about how you act out. Maybe this doesn't apply to every kid, but it worked on me.

The kid is going to pursue sex when they discover it. Nothing is going to stop them except their own teenage awkwardness. They're going to try smoking or drugs depending on how bad of influences their friends are; measured against their own maturity. Realistically none of that can be stopped, but I think it's a good idea to enforce with an iron fist that it's a bad idea.

Call me a hypocrite. I don't care. I didn't start smoking pot until I was 17 and even then I should have waited longer. All of the "it's harmless" arguments for pot, alcohol, nicotine, whatever fall flat when you're talking about a pubescent brain. Those chemical reactions will alter how the brain develops with FAR more impact during those years. In extreme cases, it's immediately noticeable. Will it bring their life to ruin? Probably not but that doesn't mean there is no negative impact. As Chef once said "Look children: this is all I’m gonna say about drugs. Stay away from them. There’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college (USA terminology, mind you)."

 

[Venomous Oddball]

Call me a hypocrite. I don't care. I didn't start smoking pot until I was 17 and even then I should have waited longer.

Are you saying that it's bad I haven't ever smoked anything?

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

Are you saying that it's bad I haven't ever smoked anything?

Not at all! I'm saying whenever I asked my pothead friends when they started, the answer is more often than not 12-14.

I can't fathom starting that early but it's how the story goes.

I'm also implying that in the long term I would have tried it and liked it anyway. Waiting a few years wouldn't have changed that.

 

[Tron8]

I think when a teenager hits high school the boundaries should ease up a bit, however i'm not a parent so i could be all talk. Sometimes the best way to get rid of temptation is to give into temptation.