Can Men and Women be Just Friends?

[La Femme Fatale]

A friend brought this up the other day so I was just wondering... do you think adult men and women can be 'just friends', or do you believe that, providing they both are single, there is always some sort of attraction underneath for one or both?

Found this article interesting. What do you think?

 

[Venomous Oddball]

I'm pretty sure they can be just friends. I say "pretty sure" because I've never been good with people, so... yeah. I'm actually quite awful with people.

 

[Airaku]

Of course they can. Skimming over the article there doesn't seem to be any truth behind, just a few points. I'm 26 and have a good friend that's a female and I never had or ever will have a sexual attraction to her. We've been friends since high school. I will admit that almost all of my friends in my life were guys and still are. But I've had some friends that were girls and I fail to see why I'd be special compared to the majority of the population. If this article would be taken seriously, then I must be freaking awesome :3

 

[La Femme Fatale]

So I'm a bit torn on this. I can only really speak anecdotally, but I imagine most responses to this question will be anecdotal anyway.

When I was younger and in school, it was quite easy to be friends with both guys and gals and not feel any sexual attraction. But this has not at all been my experience as a woman in her mid-twenties, and I definitely feel like I've drifted apart from my old guy friends whom I only shared a platonic bond with.

My experience has been that the single, straight men I'm meeting and connecting with now don't tend to stick around if there's not a lot of chemistry. It's happened to me a few times now where I've had to tell men that I'm not into them, and I won't hear from them again unless we're socializing with mutual acquaintances/friends. I think it has a lot to do with societal constructs when you hit in your mid to late twenties - people are beginning to seek others whom they can see as a potential life partner, rather than friendship. I know for myself, I'm much more open to building a relationship with someone who I can see as my future ex-husband than just a friend.

But again, this is anecdotal. I don't know the answer.

 

[Airaku]

I can see what you are saying to a point. I can't say that it's true in general but at the same time for some people this may ring true. There is the matter that you brought up. In your mid to late twenties and early thirties you are eager to find that life long partner. Once you're married you'll find that you will become friends with others. This is something that definitely needs to be factored into the situation.

Normally I see myself as a hopeless romantic, even if that isn't exactly true. When I stop looking I tend to find someone -_- I'm currently not looking because I am in school full time and need to focus on that. I even had to break it off with one girl a couple months ago mutually because she always thought I was ignoring her and not paying attention to her when I was. Just a couple weeks ago there was another which I thought about dating but there were a few issues in my eyes. She was really sketchy to say the least. The point is for me is that if something happens it happens, but right now I'd rather just have friends.

I know tons of people around my age that has plenty of friends of the opposite sex who visit each other and even go out to do fun things without any desires amongst them. The evidence seems to be quite clear in the public domain on this matter.

 

[Cross]

First, we need to understand the meaning of the word Friend. It's a 6 letter word, really, but the connection that it implies is what matters. Its a word that is really banalized these days, as in all social medias we have hundreds/thousands of "friends". Being a friend really is different of having a good relation with one another. You may know lots of people, but true friends are among a small number of those, like 3 to 5. Always.


Now to the question: Actually, its pretty hard to answer. Each case is a specific case, and each man/woman is a specific man/woman.

In a couple, It all starts/started with a good relation that became a friendship, that is core. All of the most succesfull couples I know were and still are, great friends, thats why its so important to understand what friendship is/means. Success in a relationship is not defined through time spent together, but for how healthy the relationship is as it grows.

Friends sacrifice and do things for/with one another, and the principle is the same for when you are in a couple. If a man or woman really are willing to go that way for one another, I find it really hard for them not to already be a couple, or to become one. Someway, somehow, it happens, or at least, the potencial is there. Or not, I'll talk about that. Friendship is way deeper than having a nice relation with someone.

Now, talking about a fresh friendship relation, from my experience, I see one of the sides always trying a different approach to the other over time, as the relation grows. If the other one responds positively, thats nice, the path is open for a new couple if both invest into it; if not, the friendship relation remains, with the other side knowing now that there is a boundarie to it. When this happens, the relationship stagnates.

Not on the bad meaning, of course. It doesn't mean that you'll no longer have a good relation with the person, but one (commonly) ceases to insist in creating a relation/feeling that may never exist. We can say that that's when a good relation between man and woman happens. They can really be friends, but I don't know if the one who tried something more will invest on this relation, as a true friend would. Platonic relationships are off here, so the relation remais, but doesn't go beyond that point.

And, of course, as the life is not a linear draft, anything can happen so that the relation goes the other side, making the once "just friends" thought go to "hmmm, what if? Maybe.". But the other one may have moved on and found someone, who knows.

All in all, one side will always try to approach the other differently somewhere, someday, in the most subtle or straight up ways, to see if the relationship can go beyond "just friends". Instinctively, and/or intentionaly. Natural attraction is always there.

I'm not trying to answer NO to the question. Instead, based on my experience, acquired through my past relationships, I can say that each case is a specific case, and each man/woman is a specific man/woman. There is no right answer to this. :horde:

That's my opinion on the subject.

P.S.: Long post, I know. Sorry. Let me throw some images so the reading can be smoother. :happy:

 

[La Femme Fatale]

I know tons of people around my age that has plenty of friends of the opposite sex who visit each other and even go out to do fun things without any desires amongst them. The evidence seems to be quite clear in the public domain on this matter.

I don't think that the 'evidence in the public domain' is clear at all. Google it - a lot of the research is actually quite divided.

Once you're married you'll find that you will become friends with others.

Sure, but I highly doubt you'd become close friends with singles of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're LGBT) without any hanky panky going on after marriage. I'm not saying it doesn't happen - only suggesting that things might tgo wrong when it does.

 

[Airaku]

Cross certainly has a point there.

All I can say is that I know enough people that are like how I stated that I can't agree. I've also observed the same in public. Unless we consider that every man and women are unfaithful cheaters. In that case... what's the point?
Also I don't want to be rude, blunt, or offensive but... There is far more sensible evidence of **** like 9/11, the moon landing hoax, Obama isn't American, vaccinations, chemtrails ,Ted Cruz is Canadian, etc etc. Okay I was joking about the last one. Rather any of these are true or not doesn't matter when they make more sense than the above article and seem to do. Looking at Google just claim their is psychological and scientific evidence is proof. I Googled the above and couldn't find anything other than "claims" and "tips". As stupid as my argument may be. I am just stating based on the method of delivery in terms of communicating to the reader.

It's hard for me to take things seriously when I am finding results like this, which only accounts for a population of people.

"No matter how you slice it, every non-family member female in your life that your friends aren’t dating is on your sexual radar in some scope (hell, for a number of you sick and shameless individuals, the former conditions may not even factor). If you are “friends” with a female, then one of these conditions is undoubtedly true:

• You want to **** her.
• You already have ****ed her.

She is below a 5"


Married couples often have relationships with others of the opposite sex, many also being married couples. I highly doubt they cheat on each other, in some cases they do. Not everyone is unfaithful. The claim is quite silly. And in at least in my opinion, seems very selective to a population that accuses the other side of the selective population. It's almost as silly as saying all cops are bad and/or some gender based and racial stereo-types that I much rather avoid stating.

 

[La Femme Fatale]

Cross certainly has a point there.

All I can say is that I know enough people that are like how I stated that I can't agree. I've also observed the same in public. Unless we consider that every man and women are unfaithful cheaters. In that case... what's the point?
Also I don't want to be rude, blunt, or offensive but... There is far more sensible evidence of **** like 9/11, the moon landing hoax, Obama isn't American, vaccinations, chemtrails ,Ted Cruz is Canadian, etc etc. Okay I was joking about the last one. Rather any of these are true or not doesn't matter when they make more sense than the above article and seem to do. Looking at Google just claim their is psychological and scientific evidence is proof. I Googled the above and couldn't find anything other than "claims" and "tips". As stupid as my argument may be. I am just stating based on the method of delivery in terms of communicating to the reader.

It's hard for me to take things seriously when I am finding results like this, which only accounts for a population of people.

"No matter how you slice it, every non-family member female in your life that your friends aren’t dating is on your sexual radar in some scope (hell, for a number of you sick and shameless individuals, the former conditions may not even factor). If you are “friends” with a female, then one of these conditions is undoubtedly true:

• You want to **** her.
• You already have ****ed her.

She is below a 5"


Married couples often have relationships with others of the opposite sex, many also being married couples. I highly doubt they cheat on each other, in some cases they do. Not everyone is unfaithful. The claim is quite silly. And in at least in my opinion, seems very selective to a population that accuses the other side of the selective population. It's almost as silly as saying all cops are bad and/or some gender based and racial stereo-types that I much rather avoid stating.

Excuse me, but I never claimed that everyone was unfaithful. All I said was that married couples are not likely to have close relationships with singles of the opposite sex - and a lot of it is because they are far more likely to befriend other married couples. I don't appreciate having words put in my mouth.

 

[Airaku]

Excuse me, but I never claimed that everyone was unfaithful. All I said was that married couples are not likely to have close relationships with singles of the opposite sex - precisely because they are far more likely to befriend other married couples. I don't appreciate having words put in my mouth.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I never ever said that you stated such claim. I simply said that "Unless we consider that every man and women are unfaithful cheaters". Consideration is simply a word in which I believe is a factor in the debate. More or less a thought, even sometimes even a philosophical one to ponder on. It is always important in my opinion that one must consider all possibilities regardless of personal belief. I myself can also be guilty and arrogant on some matters. I apologise that you took my words of such, I have no intentions other than what I just stated. A simple consideration on the matters of debate.

I do think that in some cases yes, singles will think of being more than friends. Even in a one-sided matter. I have found myself in this situation in both aspects. I find it difficult to tell some of these girls that I am not interested as I know how crappy rejection feels. But I also have had lasting friendships with some of these people, for some they are short lived and others they are not. I also as I have stated, I have had mutual friendships where neither person has any romantic or lustful feelings for the other. I also happen to know a lot of people who are the same way with their friends. I find the study to be rather selective. One article I checked out had stated that the study was only with 308, or was it 380? That is a very small minority and only a majority of them felt that way. You could also get a group of people of people and test for diabetes, if the majority of the group happens to have it. Then the same must be true for society as a whole? These things do happen and probability can be rather.... funny at times. Another matter to consider. One of the most interesting matters of this debate is that it seems to be more perspective on personal matters. I find myself often on both sides of the fence. So for me personally, it's very subjective.

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

It can happen but it's rare. I'd say most of the time you'd need to be friends from before that point in life.
I'm not talking about one person who's a part of "the group" who's the other gender from everyone else, but true one-on-one friends. It's a rare thing.

The internet doesn't count.

 

[La Femme Fatale]

I think you may have misunderstood me. I never ever said that you stated such claim. I simply said that "Unless we consider that every man and women are unfaithful cheaters". Consideration is simply a word in which I believe is a factor in the debate. More or less a thought, even sometimes even a philosophical one to ponder on. It is always important in my opinion that one must consider all possibilities regardless of personal belief. I myself can also be guilty and arrogant on some matters. I apologise that you took my words of such, I have no intentions other than what I just stated. A simple consideration on the matters of debate.

Ah, I was referring to your last paragraph, which seemed a bit more directed to what I had said - that was why I was a bit taken aback. But it's ok.

My only point in this has been, and Cross put it quite well, that I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Everyone is at different crossroads in their life and everyone is different. Because of where I'm at, I've not had a friendship in a very long time with a man where there wasn't any sexual attraction on the part of one or both of us. And when there wasn't, it ended fast.

BECUZ MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS TICKING. TICK TOCK TICK TOCK. @cheezMcNASTY Cheez I only have 15 or so more years to hatch these baby dragons if y'know what I mean. Let's get on this plsktnx.

 

[Airaku]

Ah, I was referring to your last paragraph, which seemed a bit more directed to what I had said - that was why I was a bit taken aback. But it's ok.

My only point in this has been, and Cross put it quite well, that I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Everyone is at different crossroads in their life and everyone is different. Because of where I'm at, I've not had a friendship in a very long time with a man where there wasn't any sexual attraction on the part of one or both of us. And when there wasn't, it ended fast.

Again my apologise on that matter. I had no intentions of such. I will say that I agree with your every word in your "last paragraph It makes a lot of sense and there really cannot be a single answer in this question. I think everyone will go through a similar state like this in their life when they truly feel ready for someone but struggle to find that someone. I've been there and I likely will be back full circle on that path one day.

 

[La Femme Fatale]

And it's not even that I'm just looking for marriage or a partner - I very much enjoy having sex. It's fun. When I was younger, we'd play video games or go out to the movies for fun but I've grown out of that. What's the point of hanging out with a guy who doesn't want to have sex with me? I have gay friends for that, I don't need it from straight dudes too.

 

[Airaku]

Well for me I'd like that whole picture. Video games, movies, sex, going to amusement parks (for the hard-core rides of course), concerts. I think a great relationship is about sharing the moment. And each one of those things and more is another picture to hang in your memory

 

[Cross]

And it's not even that I'm just looking for marriage or a partner - I very much enjoy having sex. It's fun. When I was younger, we'd play video games or go out to the movies for fun but I've grown out of that. What's the point of hanging out with a guy who doesn't want to have sex with me? I have gay friends for that, I don't need it from straight dudes too.

Haha that's a good way to see things. I like it.

 

[Cheer]

Well this is one of the question that doesn't really have a definitive answer. But from my experience. No it can't, well not for me anyways. Every time i try to be friends with a girl or a woman. It always end up with them ending by saying that i am making them feel uncomfortable because they think that i am madly in love with them and want to be in a romantic relationship. and to be honest i am not sure what is it that i am doing that makes them feel that way.

 

[Jen]

In my experience, guys and girls can definitely just be friends. I used to hang out with a group that was just guys for around five years, until I fell out with one of them for being bitchier than a teenage girl. In school a lot of my friends were guys too (though I know school is a different kettle of fish). There have been exceptions where things have got a bit awkward. But it is definitely possible. I've always had a pretty even mix of guy and girl friends. Maybe I'm just an anomaly.

 

[lorddemolatron]

Well they can be as friends as in mine experience from mine child days i more hanged with males almost all of time i grow up and well even today i have some male friends still and also some online too ( propably this comes with fact im Female what mostly spends time in gamers communities as im in end somewhat oddity as most of females i meet intrested only how to date and get male as boyfriend and myself i been isolated in that type of things since i more value friendship for now that more deeper emotions).

 

[JaguarsSoul]

Of course... unless if they're both like cats in heat like the dirty little straighties they are. Otherwise I can't see why there should be an unnecessary sexual/romantic attraction between the two.