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Resident Evil: Crimson's butterfly

maike

Well-Known Member
I know it sucks!!!!But I had to just get it out on screen!~:huh:



Sitting there against the wall, waiting to hear the voice of this masked savior. Sitting there like a fool only awaiting death. Maike was the one doing these things, he couldn't help but just sit there. Feeling the ground vibrating still from the explosion that occurred just minutes ago. The lights were going out slowly flicking on and off. It was silent in the unknown size of the facility. Maike had lived here for many years up until today, he planned on getting out. His black hair covered his face, and his slanted eyes were half closed trying to rest yet stay alert. He looked at the tall black figure. He wanted to speak but he didn't know if he should, why was this person just standing there like they were confused.

"What's your name kid?" A deep voice asked. Maike looked quickly at him stunned by the voice and at the same time relived that this man was human. "You speak?" Maike said with a joking tone yet still quiet. The masked man was looking at him with unseen eyes, yet nothing too threatening. Maike knew he was going to answer, but he knew he must carry on with his answer. "My name is Maike! I've been in this facility for five years and I plan on leaving today, I need your help!"

Maike stood up in his torn jeans that were new and his light red sweater made of cotton with detail of small dragons and butterflies. His bronze skin was pure of all scars or pimples. His eyes were a light green, very surprising in fact. His height was close to the man that had just saved him standing at around 5'10. "So will you help me sir?" Maike said with filled with emotion eyes. The man looked at him holding his TMP in position of firing. It was shaking a bit, was he thinking of killing this boy?

He lowered the weapon quickly and turned around towards the eerie corridor with lights flicking on and off and silence of a morgue. Maike smiled quickly and ran to the side of him as they walked the gun wielder slowed down and lightened his steps. At the same time Maike was checking the man out seeing the red tint of the masks plastic eyes. He was dressed in all black, combat boots included.

"You're HUNK aren't you!?" Maike asked stopping in his tracks trying to actually get an answer from him. Maike was actually shocked and he needed an answer. "How do you know of that?" The name sparked his curiosity and he gave himself away. "My mother told me about you! How you got the G-Virus before my mother!" Maike said with his mothers eye leering at him. "Ada's child, I never thought I would have the pleasure of meeting someone who was related to her! Surprised you're still alive down here! Wesker could have killed you easily!"

Small footsteps were heard down the hall, the scarceness of light made it hard for them to see what it was. HUNK turned around instantly aiming his weapon getting ready to fire. The steps got quicker and quicker the more of them came out of nowhere. The light flicked on and off quickly only showing a small glimpse each time it left off light. Dogs appeared out and were running towards them. HUNK fired the TMP with little problem. The dogs barked and whined. Maike couldn't contribute to the fight, nor did he want to. He wanted to say alive in order to get out.

"GO GO!" HUNK yelled out. Maike ran to the left going down a different corridor leaving HUNK to shoot at these infected dogs. Maike continued to run and look back, which was his deadly mistake. He ran into a zombie with open arms, and Maike was left defenseless. He tried to fight it off but it neared to his neck faster and faster.
Chu!
Blood was over Maike's face and in his hair a little bit, the zombie fell to the ground automatically. Maike crashed into the wall getting ready to touch his face horrified by the blood all over his face. HUNK walked over to him with assertiveness and little reaction of concern. "Listen to me Maike Wong, you have to stay strong. If you expect to live through this you have to know that these things are not human. Now you might just be infected, I should shoot you now!" Hunk said in his cold voice.

"I'm already infected. I'm immune to the virus that leaked down here. Thanks to Wesker wanting to find the perfect chemical in order to find the perfect being, evolution he called it." Maike looked away from HUNK, only wondering what was behind that mask. "He got close....me and Sherry were very close to being, perfect. Wesker was blinded with power and he was evil..no wonder he is dead now! I'm assuming you were here to kill me and Sherry and destroy all evidence of Umbrella's things here!?"

HUNK wasn't moved at all yet he did want to be honest. "Yes but you are only a child and I believe that you of all people wouldn't eve try to go up against Umbrella! Your mother would want to see you again after all these years. So lets get moving!" HUNK turned towards the steps that they both had been led to. Maike didn't even know where they led but HUNK did. He had got in through the entrance and he planned on exiting that way. They walked upstairs and went through the door which would be usually locked due to the system being on, but no more would the doors lock. "So how did you get in? Infection has been going on down here for two days, things that I've only heard about have escaped. I doubt you could survive all of that on your own!" Maike said with unsureness in his voice. He was holding his arm feeling a bit cold without having shoes and socks. "My team died as we came down here! Apparently Wesker planned on not coming back here and had self destruction initiated as soon as possible." He continued.

"So Umbrella sent me down here to find the newly configured T-virus and destroy the survivors who were down here unknowing what would have happened in a couple of days. But a girl managed to slow the self-destruct sequence, so really you should have been dead a couple of days ago." HUNK said stopping and turning to look at his follower. "I'm warning you I'll kill you if you ever plan on telling how you made it out alive. You will never discuss what you saw down here will you?" HUNK asked already knowing the answer. Maike shook his head and looked behind him seeing a long slimmy wet thing floating about him. Maike knew what it was instantly and quickly gripped HUNK and pulled him forward. The thing would have wrapped around his neck and would have had him then.
"Lickers! Wesker tested them out on Sherry once, she luckily survived somehow!"

HUNK pulled out a Desert Eagle 50 calibur Red coloring handing it to Maike. "I don't know how to use a gun!" Maike exclaimed. There were many more lickers around moving around all over the walls and on the floors. Presumably seven of them were around them but there could have been more. They stood in the scientific study area where test tubes and computers were held a non operational. "It's simple just aim and fire. Don't let the recoil beat you and shoot to kill!" HUNK aimed and fired at a licker, that was unknowing about the men,climbing on the wall. He shot with such ease and didn't let the gun control him. Maike watched his hands and control of the gun and the way it hit the Licker in the head a couple of times. A licker was quickly climbing and jumped from behind a row of computers with its claws getting ready to scratch the **** out of Maike.

Maike heard the noise it made and instantaneously turned towards it and aimed the gun. Having the Gun match the color of his shirt and go along with his black pants he thought it would make this special. He fired the gun and the recoil obviously showed but that bullet flew towards the licker as its mouth opened and blew its brains out. The lickers were drawn towards the men and were crawling or climbing quickly towards them. HUNK and Maike were back to back aiming at the monsters and not letting ammo go to waste. HUNK didn't deal with these beast when he came down here, they must have been somewhere else feeding on a group of people. Maike was holding the gun like a rookie yet he fired like a pro. Maike was guarding HUNK's back like it was his own. Maike aimed up quickly knowing a Licker was up top. He fired without looking and the licker fell over them. Maike did a cartwheel moving out the way and HUNK back flipped out the way from a Licker in front of him. It leaped towards him but the licker falling crashed on it and pinned it to the ground. HUNK, with one hand, shot the damn thing in the head numerous times and looked around.

"You've never fired a gun before?" HUNK asked. Maike smired and felt proud of himself holding the gun to his side. He handed the gun back to HUNK not wanting to carry it around in fear of shooting someone innocent on accident. He put his hair up into a ponytail and it reached his mid back. "They didn't let me cut my hair for awhile, I'm still unsure why though!" The lights flicked on and the computers started. The test tanks start to bubble when the oxygen turned on. HUNK readied and Maike looked around in confusion. The intercom screeched a bit and then you could hear a cough from a man.

"Excuse me....well since you two are the only ones down here, and I managed to turn the power back on and am able to control everything going on down there! I plan on having some fun, watching you die! HAHA!" The strange voice said. Maike was confused and looked at HUNK who didn't seem to show any emotion once again.
"I guess we have to actually try to get out of here now!" Maike said with a face of sadness.
 

Raef

Well-Known Member
Its actually not as bad as you think. ITs not terrific, but you didn't embarass yourself.

A couple of things to work on...

Character Development-Let the readers know who the characters really are. You wouldn't believe how much it adds to the story.

Paragraphing- My first fic was extremely horrible with this. It was literally a wall of text. Everytime a new character speaks, or a new action is commited, you drop a line down (ENTER).

Last, Spelling & Grammer- Try typing your fic in MSWord, or something with an active spellcheck or grammer check feature. It will make things loads easier, and makes it look good in the process. Second, use a Thesaurus. Anytime you can throw synonyms in to spice up your piece, do it. But dont make every other word a varient. Keep it simple, but descriptive and entertaining nonetheless.

;)
 
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