Am i still normal ?!

[Mr.Tony]

Well, here im going to talk about my life for a little bit, because i don't feel alright anymore...I feel lost with alot of depression...
I sometimes don't wanna keep living...the thing is i've been told to "Seek help" but i don't live in a develloped good country like must of you do ( Europe/USA) life here is Crap...I'm moving toward my crazyness each day....Okay i'm 23 years old and 5 years ago i was 18 and im still broke + Jobless no moving forward no matter how i try...i live in a very small town, i fight with my dadand his wife each single night at dinner...He wants me to work for 80$ a month...which won't make me move forward...I feel destroyed some of my old school mates have already a job and a nice one and some are married while im still under my father's controle...I hate it...Even when i start a topic or talk i should be mouth shut because i don't gain money...lastly i tried joining a gym to get some muscles but the thing is: I paid for it afyer savibg for more than 5 months...and when i did it really needs money... ecause now i fight with dad about the food we eat...Because the food they eat is unhealthy some bread types and cringy food...but when i talk that i need meal and fish and chikken for my body to get muscles he said eat what we eat or stay away...and now how the freaking hwll can i have a nice body like gym sportifs and fitness...im serious...i don't really know now...of you eat that food for 1 year you will be stomach fat...and it will take 5 years with the food i tryed to eat so you can burn that all....And i don't want to be sick in the next years of my life... i compare my self to westerns must of them have girlfrie ds at my age...While my daily routine is just porn each single night and masterbating...and what do i do during the whole ? Playing video games...and not only playing them i try to LIVE them because life is useless and my personality and i as a character im not that much interstingthat's why i do what i did...i tried to make some money once online by making a youtube channel but i had a ****y network service that to upload a video of 10 mins it takes 6 hours - no lies true story that happened to me... and after this and after playing too manyvgames i started to talk with my family and they think im a freak when i start to give opnion over money and how it's not that important and that we should enjoy life instead of wasting our life into a job that we hate....
Please what do you suggest i feel out line, my life is complicated already and i didn't choose my skin/family/life and everything....
what do you suggest me to do...sorry for asking here but tgere was no other place where i can ask anymore...Anyway thanks for your understanding.

 

[Venomous Oddball]

Well, here im going to talk about my life for a little bit, because i don't feel alright anymore...I feel lost with alot of depression...
I sometimes don't wanna keep living...the thing is i've been told to "Seek help" but i don't live in a develloped good country like must of you do ( Europe/USA) life here is Crap...I'm moving toward my crazyness each day....Okay i'm 23 years old and 5 years ago i was 18 and im still broke + Jobless no moving forward no matter how i try...i live in a very small town, i fight with my dadand his wife each single night at dinner...He wants me to work for 80$ a month...which won't make me move forward...I feel destroyed some of my old school mates have already a job and a nice one and some are married while im still under my father's controle...I hate it...Even when i start a topic or talk i should be mouth shut because i don't gain money...lastly i tried joining a gym to get some muscles but the thing is: I paid for it afyer savibg for more than 5 months...and when i did it really needs money... ecause now i fight with dad about the food we eat...Because the food they eat is unhealthy some bread types and cringy food...but when i talk that i need meal and fish and chikken for my body to get muscles he said eat what we eat or stay away...and now how the freaking hwll can i have a nice body like gym sportifs and fitness...im serious...i don't really know now...of you eat that food for 1 year you will be stomach fat...and it will take 5 years with the food i tryed to eat so you can burn that all....And i don't want to be sick in the next years of my life... i compare my self to westerns must of them have girlfrie ds at my age...While my daily routine is just porn each single night and masterbating...and what do i do during the whole ? Playing video games...and not only playing them i try to LIVE them because life is useless and my personality and i as a character im not that much interstingthat's why i do what i did...i tried to make some money once online by making a youtube channel but i had a ****y network service that to upload a video of 10 mins it takes 6 hours - no lies true story that happened to me... and after this and after playing too manyvgames i started to talk with my family and they think im a freak when i start to give opnion over money and how it's not that important and that we should enjoy life instead of wasting our life into a job that we hate....
Please what do you suggest i feel out line, my life is complicated already and i didn't choose my skin/family/life and everything....
what do you suggest me to do...sorry for asking here but tgere was no other place where i can ask anymore...Anyway thanks for your understanding.

Do you have any other people you could try to move in with? I think it would be good for you to maybe move in with someone a bit more supportive and maybe start with little jobs to get you started, but it would also be good for you and your father and his wife to get to understand each other more. Don't give up. I have depression too, so I can kind of understand the helpless feeling. There's also nothing wrong with being single. :smile:
I know I'm probably not much help, but you can talk to me whenever you need to.

 

[Mr.Tony]

Maddy

Do you have any other people you could try to move in with? I think it would be good for you to maybe move in with someone a bit more supportive and maybe start with little jobs to get you started, but it would also be good for you and your father and his wife to get to understand each other more. Don't give up. I have depression too, so I can kind of understand the helpless feeling. There's also nothing wrong with being single. :smile:
I know I'm probably not much help, but you can talk to me whenever you need to.

Maddy7 , Thank for your help..I really wanna be a good person mentaly and physicaly.
The thing is i'm 23 years and yesterday is like today like tomorow...There is no changes...And besides nobody can support me...They don't like having guests when it comes to waste of more cents...I have a family but they won't help though...my uncles and my grand mother but yea as i said they won't help out...I live for moths for like 0$...all is parent support...look i eat breakfast launch and dinner at home thats why i don't have a single peny...and it's been the same for like 5 years...now my problem is that i don't see the use of money anymore after being a video gamer for more than 16 years...i really don't know..i see people succeeding in their lives but not me...

I might be successful in beating games and getting good endings in them...but in my own story game..im a failure...
I remember being in a online gaming community for 9 years called samp...well 9 years ago i log in and i find people around my age...but now when i go there i only find 13 / 14 / 15 years old....i feel like there grand father...it's very very rare to find someone of my age...also i never talked to girls online...and even if i did i find they were males using fake accounts...

The thing is...Im getting my bachelor degree in Administration and Management of Entreprises The next semester..but i wanna go even more and become successful... but there is no support...I did my best..I can mimic Many voices Solid Snake - Leon - Lee Evertte (Walking Dead ) - Joel - Red Neck Accent...but now when i wanna go outside and study my master degree...it's impossible...my father can't support me anymore and of course i won't get no scholarship either....And woow what about sport...i refuse to be fat...Instead i'll get that Fitnessed body i always wanted no matter what..Im currently thinking of studing Some Hair drying and barbering for both Male/Female at least that could help...and it costs money...what can i do...i always dreamed of becoming a movie/videogame producer but life is complicated...i tried to study economics because Hideo Kojima did the same as well...and also because my surroundings suggested that...but look...Oh my god...I really can't find someone to talk to...I get confused and i listen to Some epic musics i accidently find when playing video games....I might look like that i wrote so much but i have a full heart this way at least i could empty it...Thank you again Maddy7 there are really few people that wants to help like you..thanks.

 

[Venomous Oddball]

Maddy

Maddy7 , Thank for your help..I really wanna be a good person mentaly and physicaly.
The thing is i'm 23 years and yesterday is like today like tomorow...There is no changes...And besides nobody can support me...They don't like having guests when it comes to waste of more cents...I have a family but they won't help though...my uncles and my grand mother but yea as i said they won't help out...I live for moths for like 0$...all is parent support...look i eat breakfast launch and dinner at home thats why i don't have a single peny...and it's been the same for like 5 years...now my problem is that i don't see the use of money anymore after being a video gamer for more than 16 years...i really don't know..i see people succeeding in their lives but not me...

There's always something you can contribute to. I know that just the thought of a job can be stressful, but I think it'd be good for you to get a low-stress job. Even if you don't make much money from it, it will add up. I don't know where you live so I don't know what kind of jobs there are around there, but there's probably something that's pretty low-stress like house-sitting, pet-sitting, part-time librarian... maybe you could even try to do video game videos on YouTube as a side thing if you could gather up enough money to get stuff to record with. Try not to stress yourself out over it too much though and take it slow. You probably shouldn't go into a job just yet though, maybe keep looking for professional help to help with your depression first. Be it in person, a website, or a hotline. Again, you also have me to talk to if you want, I'm not a professional or anything but I'm always here to listen and to support you.

 

[Mr.Tony]

Thank you so much...Im so happy that this community is a welcomed one, than my last one...they fired me away for describing my feelings and my daily stressful life...Your community is so great, i really loved being here...Anyway thanks for the support...
What do you suggest me to get a Bachelor Degree and a Student Visa...For studing in one of these countries:
I wanna study Master Studies for Economics...
-USA
-UK
-Canada
-Germany
-French
-Japan
How can i get a student Visa and a Scholarship ?
The very sad news is i will get my bachelor degree this year but...
I only have 10/20 In the total...
something equal to GPA: 1.0... So what do you suggest me ?
Besides im planing to study learning some Hairstyling for Male/Female to support me for my studies...what do you think ?

 

[Venomous Oddball]

Thank you so much...Im so happy that this community is a welcomed one, than my last one...they fired me away for describing my feelings and my daily stressful life...Your community is so great, i really loved being here...Anyway thanks for the support...
What do you suggest me to get a Bachelor Degree and a Student Visa...For studing in one of these countries:
I wanna study Master Studies for Economics...
-USA
-UK
-Canada
-Germany
-French
-Japan
How can i get a student Visa and a Scholarship ?
The very sad news is i will get my bachelor degree this year but...
I only have 10/20 In the total...
something equal to GPA: 1.0... So what do you suggest me ?
Besides im planing to study learning some Hairstyling for Male/Female to support me for my studies...what do you think ?

Hm, I'm not quite sure how to get a Student Visa and I don't know much about GPA either because I'm from Canada, sorry I can't be of much help there. Is there a way to improve it? I'm sure there are some websites that'll be more helpful than me with all that stuff, I haven't done any actual "formal" schooling stuff after high school. But those sound like great plans. Is there anybody around there that you can talk to about getting into it?

 

[Mr.Tony]

Hm, I'm not quite sure how to get a Student Visa and I don't know much about GPA either because I'm from Canada, sorry I can't be of much help there. Is there a way to improve it? I'm sure there are some websites that'll be more helpful than me with all that stuff, I haven't done any actual "formal" schooling stuff after high school. But those sound like great plans. Is there anybody around there that you can talk to about getting into it?

No not really...All i really wanted is to study and get good marks especialy in the Art field..Because i wanna study two different fields...
Continue with economics and study Film industrie...I heard its good when you prove your creativity...
Also could you please pinpoint a little info about how much does a hair styler make in canada especialy the one that dry hair and make hairstyle and all for women...Daily how much does he probebly make ? And thank so much because i wanna learn and practics this skill before going outside my country so i can support my self and my studies...And thanks Maddy7 it was so so nice Talking to you..i like you, You and Airaku and many other friends...you seem to be nice and mature ones.. thanks You made me get a smile...thank you

 

[Venomous Oddball]

No not really...All i really wanted is to study and get good marks especialy in the Art field..Because i wanna study two different fields...
Continue with economics and study Film industrie...I heard its good when you prove your creativity...
Also could you please pinpoint a little info about how much does a hair styler make in canada especialy the one that dry hair and make hairstyle and all for women...Daily how much does he probebly make ? And thank so much because i wanna learn and practics this skill before going outside my country so i can support my self and my studies...And thanks Maddy7 it was so so nice Talking to you..i like you, You and Airaku and many other friends...you seem to be nice and mature ones.. thanks You made me get a smile...thank you

I think I've heard that a hair dresser earns between $12.00 and $13.00 an hour (In Canadian money), but it depends on what province you're in, I think it can go up to $17.00 sometimes. I don't know how many hours a day or how many days a week they work though.
Glad I could make you smile!

 

[bSTAR_182]

Of course you are still normal- it is normal to struggle with depression. Honestly everyone becomes depressed at some point in their life- whatever the cause may be... We have all felt under-accomplished, especially when we compare ourselves to others. No one is perfect though and you may not always be "the best" at something. But you need to learn to appreciate things and life for what it is- even if you think you are completely unhappy with the way things are at this time.

Something that I do notice from your posts is that you are trying to be people and characters that you are not. This is where you are getting into some trouble. You need to figure out who YOU are and what it is that YOU want. Not what Leon or anyone else is doing. You need to be comfortable and love yourself for who you are and understand that, while you may not be where you want to be in life right now, you are going to move forward to better yourself.

It's alright to idolize certain individuals and characters and maybe even seek a route that they took towards their success, but just know that your story isn't going to play out like theirs- and that's OK.
Life is not a videogame- it is what you make it and you need to start putting yourself out there if you want to be successful. I know that it isn't easy to put yourself in new and vulnerable situations, but you are never going to see change unless you yourself make those changes happen. Working an ordinary job sucks but you need to pay your dues if you want to succeed. You're not going to start at the top and there will be times that may require you to do things that you don't like/want to do in order to make your dreams a reality. Eventually you will find yourself having the time to indulge in things that you actually want to spend your time doing, but for now, you gotta pay your dues.

Perhaps start making a list and setting goals that you want to reach in a certain amount of time. That will definitely help you with reaching some. But if you don't end up meeting those goals by the time that you wanted- that's OK too, at least you are trying and surely will be seeing some changes take place. Congrats on almost graduating with your bachelors! That is something to be proud of and shows that maybe you are being really hard on yourself at times.

 

[Venomous Oddball]

Wow, yeah. That makes my posts look awful. xD

Anyway, Star is right, you are being hard on yourself. But if you really put your mind to it, you can reach your goals, so don't give up. You're never useless. Even little things you do can be useful and good of you, you just might not realize it. Doing chores, making someone smile or laugh... even just having a friendly conversation. You don't have to go out of your way and stress about being useful. You have to take care of yourself, too, and chances are, you are being useful in some way. And even if you can't do anything in a certain situation, people will still like, appreciate, and care about you for the other things you do.

 

[Jen]

@Mr.Tony, getting a bachelor's is tough, so the fact that that you're gonna get one is such an achievement! And it just goes to show that you can achieve things if you put your mind to it. :smile:

To add to what bSTAR said, I understand that video games are your escape from reality, and that's perfectly fine - we all need to escape sometimes - but just make sure you don't spend too much time in that escape. When you come out of that escape, your situation always seems worse because you're running from your problems, and then you try to escape them again and it becomes a vicious cycle.

I know it's really hard when you have depression, but try and break that vicious cycle. As the ladies who posted above said, try and find any small job if possible. It'll earn you a little money in the short term and there could be opportunities for it to turn into something more if you can progress in that field or job. It'll also give you skills for you to move into other jobs - and it'll work wonders for your confidence.

You said you live in a small town. If there aren't many opportunities in your town, are there any towns or cities nearby that are within travelling distance where you could find work? Maybe widening the search for work could help you find a job.

 

[Mr.Tony]

Thank you so much for your help especialy you: bSTAR_182 and Maddy7 and Jen..I feel comftable at least a little bit now...what you said proved that you tried to help, and in where i live nobody really listen to me... and that's what i dislike.
Anyway, it was so so nice to be talking to you and be friend with you, we all strugle sometimes...anyway this is my facebook account feel free to add me:
Mirak David Ikbi
And yea, that's me on the picture.