Hel
Goddess of the Dead
Okay, so I've been in several RE communities for long enough to figure out what the fans are generally like, and I thought... well, let's not get into what I thought. Anyway, I decided to create this little parody* and list the
10 Commandments for Being a Proper RE Fan
I. First of all, choose between Chris Redfield and Leon Kennedy. You can only love and support one while hating the other's guts. Or you may hate (but not love) both.
II. Do the same with Jill Valentine and Ada Wong. It is generally common to love Chris and Jill while hating Leon and Ada, or the other way around. Exceptions are rare, but not unheard of.
III. Like Claire Redfield. She doesn't necessarily have to be your favourite character as long as you just don't hate her, because there is no such thing as a Claire hater.
IV. If there's a rumour about Albert Wesker, Barry Burton or Hunk appearing in a future game, pee your pants in excitement. Do not ever speak ill of those characters.
V. Hate Sheva Alomar for her stupid AI in RE5, but not Chris for having the same stupid AI. (Unless you're a Leonist, then you're already hating Chris anyway.) Also, hate Ashley Graham for being a realistic college girl who doesn't know how to fight.
VI. Don't ever believe that anyone is dead. Even if you see something utterly ridiculous like, I don't know, a character being decapitated by two flying rockets while submerged in lava for example, keep holding on to their life. Time might actually prove you right.
VII. Make up your mind on who you think is gay/straight/lesbian/whatever, because the characters' sexuality is more important than anything else in the game.
VIII. Choose one or two favourite romantic pairings and ignore all other possibilities. Insult other fans if they disagree with you.
IX. Start a console war with PlayStation or XBox players, depending on which console you play on. If you're a PC player, don't ever say anything because your existence will not be acknowledged and so you have no rights anyway.
X. Hate on Capcom all the time. Whether it's a tiny detail, a real problem or just a matter of opinion, complain about everything and create and sign as many petitions as you can even though they will never change anything.
Feel free to add commandments or rules if you can think of any!
* Note: "Parody" means it's not to be taken too seriously or literally.
10 Commandments for Being a Proper RE Fan
I. First of all, choose between Chris Redfield and Leon Kennedy. You can only love and support one while hating the other's guts. Or you may hate (but not love) both.
II. Do the same with Jill Valentine and Ada Wong. It is generally common to love Chris and Jill while hating Leon and Ada, or the other way around. Exceptions are rare, but not unheard of.
III. Like Claire Redfield. She doesn't necessarily have to be your favourite character as long as you just don't hate her, because there is no such thing as a Claire hater.
IV. If there's a rumour about Albert Wesker, Barry Burton or Hunk appearing in a future game, pee your pants in excitement. Do not ever speak ill of those characters.
V. Hate Sheva Alomar for her stupid AI in RE5, but not Chris for having the same stupid AI. (Unless you're a Leonist, then you're already hating Chris anyway.) Also, hate Ashley Graham for being a realistic college girl who doesn't know how to fight.
VI. Don't ever believe that anyone is dead. Even if you see something utterly ridiculous like, I don't know, a character being decapitated by two flying rockets while submerged in lava for example, keep holding on to their life. Time might actually prove you right.
VII. Make up your mind on who you think is gay/straight/lesbian/whatever, because the characters' sexuality is more important than anything else in the game.
VIII. Choose one or two favourite romantic pairings and ignore all other possibilities. Insult other fans if they disagree with you.
IX. Start a console war with PlayStation or XBox players, depending on which console you play on. If you're a PC player, don't ever say anything because your existence will not be acknowledged and so you have no rights anyway.
X. Hate on Capcom all the time. Whether it's a tiny detail, a real problem or just a matter of opinion, complain about everything and create and sign as many petitions as you can even though they will never change anything.
Feel free to add commandments or rules if you can think of any!
* Note: "Parody" means it's not to be taken too seriously or literally.
