Keep Me Breathing: An Original Fan Novel

Hello, all! I promised that I would have some fanfic for everyone to critique, so here it is. This story revolves around Billy and Rebecca following the events of Resident Evil 0 as Rebecca tries to help Billy clear his name. The first five and a half chapters are my adaptation of the game itself and then from the middle of Chapter 6 onward, everything is my original story. I tried to stay as canon as possible, but I did change the time frame between the incident in Africa and Billy's execution to more accurately fit the way things would work in the real military (he would be put on trial and given one automatic appeal to his death sentence at the conclusion of his first court-martial before being executed). I consider submitting this to these forums as the ultimate test of my writing, as we fans are sticklers for good content when it comes to our games. I hope you all like it.

Submitted for the approval of the Resident Evil forums, here are the first five chapters of Keep Me Breathing...

Chapter 1:
Chapter 2:
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4:
Chapter 5:

EDIT: If y'all could give me some constructive critique, I would really appreciate it. I am seeking to publish this as a free eBook on iBooks (since I obviously won't be able to make any money off characters that are not mine). When I get some comments on these five chapters, I will post Chapters 6-9.
Last edited: