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Resident Evil: Unknown Secrets.

Hel

Goddess of the Dead
Premium
Any constructive criticism will help too! :D <3

Okay, here we go.
First of all, change the title. An unknown secret is pretty much like a dead corpse. A secret is supposed to be something not everyone knows, and even if you had something else in mind, it just sounds boring. Not a title that would catch my attention in a bookstore.

Secondly, explain. My parents recently read Ghost Light, but they aren't RE fans, and they asked me what the BSAA is. I realised I hadn't explained it anywhere in the story, and you don't do that either. So unless you want only RE fans to read and understand your story, you must keep in mind that not everyone knows what the DOA is, or a BOW, etc. Just one or two short sentences are enough, you don't need to go into detail, but provide at least some information.

But the biggest issue and the thing that bothers me the most is your fickle point of view. You jump from Claire to Helena, from Helena to Hunnigan, from Hunnigan back to Claire, then from Claire to Rebecca, and who knows who will be the main character of the next chapter. That's basically not a bad thing, many authors do it, but in your case it happens way too fast. You don't give your readers time to get themselves into a scene before you downright crash into the next one, and you never explain who all those people actually are, except Hunnigan.

From what you told me, I suppose you're more serious about this fanfic than you were about the last two, but maybe you're a little too enthusiastic at the moment. So far, the story reads like a rushed homework you scribbled down the night before the deadline. I actually liked your last two stories better than this one. If I were you, I would slow down a bit, take my time to elaborate the chapters instead of racing through them like there's no tomorrow, and make them longer as well.

But seeing that everybody else here seems to like the fic the way it is now, you may as well ignore this. It certainly wasn't my intention to ruin the cheerful mood of this thread.
 
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